As told by Andrew James Murdoch Stephen
1. Obtain a skinny branch of a tree with leaves still on it even like a Christmas tree type of tree. Make sure you clean the bark and garbage off one foot of the bottom end. Then, insert the clean end of the branch into your wife’s car gas hole. Then run run run as fast as you can…and watch when your wife goes outside to go to work and sees all the greenery on her car and sticking out of her car….watch how confused she looks…then, when she comes inside to ask you to look….you take a look and then reply…well, we’re driving green to save the ozone…look how confused she looks then….
2. Gargle with blue food dye and keep it in your mouth as long as you can and remembering you’ve already done the Venutian green thing on your private parts weeks before (as well as shaved your whole body) greet your wife with a wide open mouth offering of a french kiss…..now watch how confused she looks….call a doctor for her if necessary, but, it’ll probably be for you….apply bandages to yourself as necessary……watch how confused she still looks…..
3. In your wife’s bedroom make sure: first, that your wife is long gone to work…..then, go to your garage, retrieve your previously purchased can of glow in the dark paint…..paint a big bat on the ceiling of your wife’s bedroom making sure that the bat hangs over her….make sure you paint big fangs, big wings, private parts, etc….then, hours later when you hear your wife in bed with the lights turned out and you are safely in your bedroom listen for the screetching and screaming and hollering and gasping, stifle your laughter, pretend you are sleeping and you don’t hear her…..when she comes crashing through into your bedroom even breaking the door frame, stare amazingly at her state of confusion…..do not laugh…..do not even smirk…or you’re dead….but always remember your wife’s confused look…
4. My secretary just announced she is back on strike….she said she is sick of the drivel and stupidy….so I guess I gotta sign off….all hail to my master Al Bundy and all hail to Al Bundy’s father (Spiritual) Archie Bunker……yours Andy from Canada…..