Category Archives: Pet Humour

Skittles Fans, would you believe it? Yet another Zowy Wowy Freaky Skittles Story…

Dear Skittles Fans,

Today is the 4th of April and I have to admit last night I spoiled and indulged myself on my own favorite meal for supper…that was, a tin of 10 highly marinated and spiced grape leaves aka Dulmas, I have no idea how many cloves of garlic that I store in olive oil and half a large jar of artichoke hearts…..hmmm…well, you can guess what all that spice and oil was roiling, churning, turning and doing to my innards…..well, it was all Skittles fault…as soon as I went to the bathroom this morning, Skittles on his volition, no force, no cohersion, followed me into the bathroom and while he was rubbing and purring and twirling about didn’t he do the most silliest thing….HE CLOSED THE BATHROOM DOOR…well anyways Dear Readers, with much methane noise and biodegradeable matter and even more methane Skittles was so sorry!!!!!!!!! He was literally and I kid you not, literally lying on his side trying to sniff fresh air from the bottom of the bathroom door…I admit I am embarrassed to tell you such graphic details, but you should have seen my out of breath hyper-ventilating Skittles….needless to say, before the door was even open 1/2 an inch after I was done…Skittles was gone….much love to y’all…purr from Skittles, Andy from Ottawa

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My Tale of the Brave Little Arctic Owl

I am a desert wanderer, struck half mad in my loneliness and confusion.  I am plagued by a constantly parched throat and my insatiable hunger.  I am lost and lonely and feel very, very sorry for myself in my miserable state.  I am sure that I am far better off to die.

Wait……What is this I hear?  From far away I hear the plaintive echoing cries of some owl, rising and falling from far off in the distance.  I soon chanced upon a vast deep canyon, one so deep and frightening that every one of my hairs stood on end.  A horrible wind tunnel raged inside and at the canyon’s very bottom below, waters raced and ravaged the canyon’s slick sandy sides, widening the canyon a hundred fold before my very eyes.  That in turn made the powers of the wind a hundred fold stronger yet. 

I, a sad and lonely man peered over the top lip of the canyon in total fascination for it was from here that I heard those unworldly plaintive echoing cries.  I soon saw the speck of a tiny arctic owl struggling to break free of the ensnaring raging wind tunnel that would soon see him caught and plummeted to the grips of the nasty raging water far below, to be carried off with the sands that in turn were carried away from the sides of the canyon.

I, the sad wanderer continued to watch, totally engrossed and absorbed for the longest while, easily two or three settings and risings of the cold moon and hot sun, my own worries long and far behind me as my every being and thoughts watched the pained rise and fall of that exhausted arctic owl.

He continued to wage his life and death battle to break free of the devil’s own sinister grasp of the deadly canyon.  The winds raged on and roared, deafening me even from my position of safety.  My eyes were seared and the roots of my unkempt hair ached from being blown far back for so long….

Finally after what could have only been but the arctic owl’s last desperate effort, he was able to break free from the clutches of the unworldly powers of the devil’s wind.  Barely managing to extricate himself, he struggled over the lip of the canyon.  Gasping and tremoring, he paused at the top to regain his strength…..

He was not very far from me and I in my frozen awe was totally still.  He was such a small fluffy bird to have waged such a long and heroic struggle, God!  How cruel the fates are to have stricken such a small pretty bird!  And a tiny, fluffy black eyed arctic owl at that!  He did not even have so much as a solitary feather, wearing only his glossy white down and with the exceptions of the brilliant gold that encircled both his eyes; he was as magnificent and black as full moon night’s shadow….

Ever so slowly I inched over to him and ever slower yet, I knelt down to cradle him in my arms.  Amazingly he was now already rested, his tiny heart racing like any normal birds.  His enormous shiny eyes blinked up at me over mischievously and then POOF!  He was gone!

It was then that it dawned on me that I no longer had my worries, fear or sadness around me.  Suddenly the directions and answers I had long sought came to me and very soon after I was able to wander out of that accursed desert, never ever to return. 

But I shall always thank and cherish my memories of that brave arctic owl…….

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Skittle Poems

Dear Fans of Skittles, the magnificient cat, ……this morning he recanted to me two poems that he wishes to share with his international based audience.  Here goes the first one:

Here I am, adore me,

Here I am, enchant me

Here I am, deify me

For I am Cat.

Second Poem:

Paws on paper, never a tear

Paws on silk, never a fold

Paws on my heart, I am enchanted

Skittles is here.

Well that’s all for today folks.  Purr….love, Andy from Ottawa and Skittles the Wonder Cat!

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Yet another true crazy Skittles story…unbelievable!

Dear Readers, today is February 26th, Saturday….I was going to hold off on recounting this yet another, of crazy Skittles stories and his most audacious and hilarious episodes….anyways, I will title this one Skittles versus the German Luftwaffe…and this is how is went down…Wednesday or Thursday in the afternoon, I was watching the History Channel, saw one of my favorite WWII movies called Twelve O’Clock High 1949 with Gregory Peck…I’m sure you are familiar with the movie…it’s about the story about a plane called the Picadilly Lilly and how they and a squadron of bombers have to fly and fight their way in and out of Germany.  Well to make a long story short, I do have a sofa that is very close to my television console and Skittles was watching the movie with me, but he was sitting on his sofa by the TV and I was sitting on my far away sofa…then he starts swatting the screen with his paws and I could hear scritch scritch scritch with his claws on the TV screen….then I realize he is attacking the Germans who are flying and fighting against the USA plane….to be honest, I had another cat that used to do that and he too was a wise and funny cat….anyways, at last count I believe it was Skittles 11, Luftwaffe zero…..my cat wins again….teehee teehee…have a good day, Andy from Ottawa…

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A Weird Wacky Skittles Story…Skittles the Bath Cat!!!!

Dear Readers and Fans of Skittles, my crazy little black and white menace….anyways, to make a long story short….the other day, I was taking my annual bath (I believe in baths once a year that way your body builds up enough antibodies to kill any germs so you don’t need all those drugs)….and as I was laying on my back bored out of my gord, I hear Skittles screaming at the top of his lungs looking for me downstairs…I called out to him and he dashed upstairs to the bathroom smashed the door open with his head, and he jumped into the bathtub onto my chest….now we will pause here….imagine what I have just told you….now flash forward….cat’s hate water….Skittles jumped into a bath because I was there…well Dear Readers when he jumped onto my chest and realized his paws were suddenly soaken wet he was off like a shot and as he slowly left the bathroom and for almost 1/2 day he was shaking his paws, all 4 of them naturally, independently to get all the water off….it was so funny….it’s too bad once again, that I don’t have a permanent home video following Skittles that I could submit so many funny stories to some television show….anyways, both Skittles and I are both recovering well from the trauma of our once a year bath….it’s a horrible thing…I think I’m going to wait until 2013 for our next bath…is that not fair Dear Readers?  I think Skittles will be over it be then, I know I’m not….all the best…Andy from Ottawa.

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My latest Skittles Story

You won’t believe this Dear Readers, this is the absolute truth…where I spend most of the time in the house, sitting on my sofa watching TV, I have a big side table beside me with my glasses, my cigarettes and paper, an assortment of pens and pencils, a small calendar, my prescriptions, a small cuticle set in an egg shaped case and a box of kleenex.  Ok, fast forward to two days ago, on that night I accidently closed my bedroom door as I was going to bed and I guess Skittles got really very very very angry….and because I have a bedroom fan I wouldn’t have been able to hear him meouw…well the next morning when I went downstairs the entire, AND I MEAN THE ENTIRE, end table contents were all scattered on the floor, Skittles was perched on myside of the sofa where I sit and he glared at me…seeing Skittles looking like that expecting my arrival kind of reminded me when Clarisse first met Hanibel Lecter…it was that eiery….it was  that freaky…ya, we are limited by our 5 senses but cats have it way over on us, they have at least a few more, those cunning little things….peace out, meouw Andy.

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Newest Skittles Cat Update!!!!!! Skittles vs. Ginger Cat!!!

Well Dear Readers, as you can imagine Skittles has gotten older since we last talked so he is bigger, stronger, and bolder.  One day while I was watching TV beside my patio door that faces the back door Skittles was sitting beside me looking out the backyard and darned if I didn’t hear this real loud and low rumblings that reminded me of a lion in Africa.  Then he jumped across my lap and started scratching at the glass window of the patio door.  Meowing really loud and low, I was scared….what got into that cat!  What indeed, got into my cat!  So I looked over to the outside and there was this big ginger pretty pretty cat…but he was enormous…and he sat down in the middle of the yard and both of them meowed at each other very loudly….it kind of reminded me of the 3 pigs and the wolf story….you know I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blooooow your house down……so anyways after more than 10 minutes of this huffing and puffing Skittles walked away from the patio door meowing triumphantly, jumped back on the sofa, lay down beside me and purred, and I looked outside and the big fat ginger cat lumbered out the backyard….so Dear Readers, is there a lesson in this?  yes indeed there is…..it’s not the size of the cat in the fight, it’s the meow that gives them fright…and Skittles won the day!  One more for the little guy!  Peace Out…Andy from Ottawa….

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