Men hate cheap toilet paper…we must end this..

Dear Male Readers, I am sure I am not alone in this, when our hausnfraus and wife insist on always purchasing ginormous size discount toilet paper……we already know our woman wrap their hands with toilet paper like a boxing glove and block the toilets….meanwhile, we sit down on the throne….do our business…and unwrap a reasonable amount of toilet paper and oh my God….when we wipe, with cheap toilet paper, we have given ourselves our own prostate exam…..isn’t that gross….I propose we organize a national, no let me say, international day of protest….against crappy bulk size cheap toilet paper….still moaning in pain….still flushed with embarrassment from my own self induced prostate exam….Andy from Ottawa.

Steve Earle…still the loser eh?

Steve, this is crazy Andy from Ottawa…we met in 91 and 92 in Ottawa and that was back when you were cool….you were brilliant, creative way beyond belief, loud and proud, and your life obviously proved your life set….which was learn, earn, and return i.e. to the public…..ok….so you gave up drugs, you gave up booze, and you evidently you gave up a shit load of friends and muses….who had inspired you….so for the past couple of years former fans were left gagging with the new Steve Earle…..a muted, castrated, college professor with a guitar, no band….today, I saw on the newscrawler, April 25, 2011, that you were deeply affected by Merle Haggard’s, I image, gravestone ephitaph and that’s what made you recover….p.s. Steve….detox is for quitters, abstinance is for quitters, so get real Steve….get back to your old real self and you might get mega rich, like you were before….yes, yes, I know…you still have to pay over 60 thousand dollars a month child support for all your kids…remember you told me that Steve back in 91?  so you would be mega rich again if you ever returned to your real self….alas, back when you were cool and I called you friend…..Andy from Ottawa…

Israel, you’re provoked, yet they call for a cease fire

Israel, Israel, Israel, what are you to do?  Just heard on CNN news at 3 o’clock p.m. EST, Sunday the 10th of April, that those oh so glorious warriors who launch rockets into your cities finally provoke your response, and they bleat…..We want a cease fire!  God, Israel, thank God you’re a strong people….thank goodness for your patience….because if you responded like Dayan, ya, you would have eliminated them….but you would have the neo-facists states of the EU and everyone else, except Canada and the USA jumping to their defence….regardless of their numerous murderous provocations….if you can use a 56 year old ex-cop to work in a kibbutz to free up a healthy Sabra to fight or for that matter, me to fight send me an airline ticket….Shalom, best to you all, love and respect for your country and people, Andy from Ottawa…

Liz Taylor RIP….CNN do not saturate us….

CNN, I address you specifically, please respect us, the public, enough that yes, we all loved and will miss Liz Taylor….she died at 79….she had a helluva lot of fun…and joy and success that few could ever imagine….now please do not saturate your airwaves for over a week non-stop about Liz.  Oh, and coincidently, was it not 2 days ago in Iraq that a US Soldier was killed by an IED and you only reported it on the bottom of the news crawler and you never mentioned his name.  Let’s get a little fairness here.  Heroes or Stars?  I think you know where I’m going on this.  Stars have had their time…most of them…too much of it….but what about your 5000 Heroes that gave their lives in Iraq and Afganistan and soon I’m afraid…Libyia…yours, Andy from Canada.

Libyan No Fly Zone

USA, Beware, beware…..let the UN be the international policemen…if they have the balls to….do not step in….unwelcomed or uninvited…you think Iraq, which you thought was going to be a cakewalk has cost you almost 5000 lives and you are still there….well…my friends, if I read the Muslim world and mentality as I do, being Muslim myself, Libya will be more than a tough nut to crack….it will be a rock which has a diamond inside and everybody with an IQ over room temperature knows you can’t crack a diamond.  Beware!  Let the UN step up to the plate for once…peace out…Andy from Canada…

Gang Rape of Eleven Year Old Girl…Cleveland Texas

I am aghast…totally, totally astounded still….when words of this outrage first appeared in November there abouts….TV news people question about and yack about our culture of violence…me, I say, in all truth, honesty and fairness it is the violence of a sub culture….I don’t have to paint a brush anymore than that….listen to the music, look at the videos, watch any television show about crime stories, you know what I mean….48 Hours etc….it is that same mentality…totally appalled…and as for those 18 to up to 28 people because they think 10 more were involved, if that was my daughter there would be one helluva lot of grey matter splattered on the streets of Cleveland Texas before the police had a chance to arrest them…totally disgusted…Andy from Ottawa.

Gadhafy…Senator Paulenty (USA) has your number…

Hey beloved leader of your peoples…we know that they all throw themselves at your feet….but, you stomp on the necks of quite a few of them…and for that reason the Senator Paulenti was right to describe you as a sociopathic killer….well, dear leader, child of the sun and the moon, blah blah blah…..I do have to take umbridge with the Senator on one point….he insults us highly functioning and law abiding sociopaths when he describes you on the same breath as our fun filled minor mental disability…LOL LOL….Andy from Ottawa

Charlie Sheen! Yes you are Special!

Hey Charlie, I hope you RSVP ASAP because I am a fan of yours and your Father’s for a very long time.  I always have been ie. your Father in Apocolypse Now and you in Platoon, always loved you Charlie….but getting serious here…if you call those 2 women Goddesses, honest to God Charlie, you must be using binoculars or some other form of gynecological eyewear or should I say spyware…LOL LOL….and as for you, being a special person….you got me beat Bro….you are indeed a special person with special needs…and I am not disparaging mentally challenged people when I say this to you….you disparage them….by your very existance and misbehaviour….anyways, still a fan…hope you can slime your way out of this one because I am a fan, peace out, Andy from Ottawa.

A Weird Wacky Skittles Story…Skittles the Bath Cat!!!!

Dear Readers and Fans of Skittles, my crazy little black and white menace….anyways, to make a long story short….the other day, I was taking my annual bath (I believe in baths once a year that way your body builds up enough antibodies to kill any germs so you don’t need all those drugs)….and as I was laying on my back bored out of my gord, I hear Skittles screaming at the top of his lungs looking for me downstairs…I called out to him and he dashed upstairs to the bathroom smashed the door open with his head, and he jumped into the bathtub onto my chest….now we will pause here….imagine what I have just told you….now flash forward….cat’s hate water….Skittles jumped into a bath because I was there…well Dear Readers when he jumped onto my chest and realized his paws were suddenly soaken wet he was off like a shot and as he slowly left the bathroom and for almost 1/2 day he was shaking his paws, all 4 of them naturally, independently to get all the water off….it was so funny….it’s too bad once again, that I don’t have a permanent home video following Skittles that I could submit so many funny stories to some television show….anyways, both Skittles and I are both recovering well from the trauma of our once a year bath….it’s a horrible thing…I think I’m going to wait until 2013 for our next bath…is that not fair Dear Readers?  I think Skittles will be over it be then, I know I’m not….all the best…Andy from Ottawa.

David Utman – Well a lot of attention finally…

Well Dear Readers, finally getting a lot of readers concerning my taser 1, 2, 3 stories, which are centered around the outrage and tragedy of the David Utman murder.  As you know full well a certain officer OPD had much to do with getting the ball rolling to David’s demise.  My last word on this, due to the incredible amount of hits in a such a short time, I will mention here and now if any of this and past postings are going to be held up to use against me, boy oh boy, will they open a pandoras box on themselves and as they know for a long time the press hung on my every word.  Listened and blasted on the publics and yes, my, behalf.  So beware of that pandoras box.  Andy from Ottawa.

p.s. so in other words, OPD think twice before thinking of biting my tail.

USA – Sorry About Biever Film

USA, as a proud Canadian and taking inventory about all the harm we have inflicted on you, I want to from the heart apologize for inflicting Robert Goulet, William Shatner, Allan Thicke, Jim Carey and now OMG a freaking Justin Biever movie….We are so sorry for inflicting that on you good people.  Speaking personally, if you have a remote island in your territory please keep him.  Personally, even my grandson doesn’t want him back….on this I am truly serious….anyways, sorry….Andy from Ottawa.